Social Affairs: Brotherhood. Marriage. Community. (Lessons in Islam) by Sayyid Ali Al-Hakeem

Author:Sayyid Ali Al-Hakeem [Al-Hakeem, Sayyid Ali]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: The Mainstay Foundation
Published: 2021-08-01T00:00:00+00:00

Imam Al-Sadiq is also narrated to have said,

Three things are indispensable for a man in his relationship with his wife. They are: agreement with a woman so he can obtain her satisfaction, love, and affection; good manners in dealing with her; and engendering her affection by looking attractive in her eyes and providing more for her.[118]

Creating a good environment: We find that some men - due to the struggles of work and hardships of life - release all of their negativity and frustration inside the house. Instead of bringing joy to the family when he arrives to the home, he becomes a reason for their misery.

He might demand calmness and request no one talk to him because he desires to rest. Although he has a right to rest and relax at home, it should not be at the cost of the closest people to him. A man is obligated as the head of the household to tend to the needs of his family members and to make sure they are doing well. Unfortunately, we find that some men spend more time outside the home where they display good manners and carry a positive attitude, yet, as soon as they come home, they expect everyone to go to sleep and to be unbothered by any requests. This is wrong as is illustrated by the Prophet where he says, “A man sitting with his family is more desirable to God Almighty than retreating in this mosque of mine [to worship].”[119]

Serving the wife and children: It is noticeable that many men disdain working at home and helping their wives. A man might mistakenly think that his wife was created only to serve him and his only job is to issue orders. This is contrary to the examples set by the Prophet and Imam Ali. The Commander of the Faithful always helped Lady Zahra with household chores and that did not diminish from his status. In fact, the noble narrations make it clear that serving the wife and children is only done by the best of the best. The Prophet states, “No one serves the family except the believer, martyr, and a man who God desires for him the good in this life and hereafter.”[120]

Thus, a man who serves his family and aids them at home has special attributes. He is either a believer, martyr, or one that God desires for him the good in this life and hereafter. Truly, this is a lofty and honorable status. As to the misconception that a man working at home belittles his status, this notion is the result of baseless traditions and ignorant customs that have been passed down generationally. These traditions still have an impact on people although they contradict the moral and religious teachings.

Fifth, a man must be patient and forgiving with his wife. Two people living together, with different habits and perspectives, are bound to have some tension and disagreement. It is only natural. Keeping this in mind, forgiveness and patience need to be utilized in the relationship.

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